Communication: Key to Strong Parent-Child Relationships
Author: Serena Fan, Founder and Executive Director of
Hong Kong Children’s Discovery Museum
November 2020
Due to school suspensions and summer holidays, parents and children have spent significantly more time together. Parents have tirelessly planned learning activities and prepared technological tools to allow children to adapt to virtual learning at home. Parents are more likely to be stressed because there are unpredictable factors to handle. Communication with children may become more tense or morphed into just giving directions. Despite spending more time together, the quality of communication may negatively impact relationships.
Children naturally love to play and are curious beings. They enjoy exploring their surroundings using their own methods. However, adults can often be heard saying, “Do not run! Do not touch around! Sit quietly”. During the pandemic, parents are especially concerned about a child’s every movement due to hygiene safety reasons. Sadly, as virtual learning is becoming more common, parents will easily treat electronic devices as “electronic pacifiers” to keep children occupied. This is a temporary solution to manage their behavior and doing so may limit their chances to explore and learn, potentially leading towards negative long-term effects on their development.
Active Communication is Necessary to Get Along Well
During this period of constant togetherness, practice strengthening communication skills. Through direct and positive communication, parents can better understand their children’s needs without having to prepare too many activities to occupy their time. By doing so, the parent-child relationship will benefit from increased communication, while both can also enjoy personal time. Moreover, with positive dialogues, children will feel valued, which encourages them to express themselves. This helps to develop positive socioemotional skills in the long term.
Active communication assists children to undergo self-directed discoveries that help improve their observational and critical thinking skills, all of which are important for learning. Some adults may think “children do not know anything because they are still young”, thus underestimating their abilities. These adults may then feel surprised when children demonstrate their range of aptitudes. One time at HKCDM, a four year old arrived with his mother and immediately interacted with the Discovery Staff as if he was very familiar with them. He was even able to direct other visitors to our exhibits! Just as I was wondering if he was a frequent visitor, he came up to me and asked, “Where is the big sandbox?” I explained that due to the pandemic, the Sand Topography table was temporarily closed, but that the exhibit was still in its original location. He looked confused, so I offered to accompany him to the exhibit. He clapped in delight when he saw it and exclaimed, “Oh! It is still here! It is just closed.” Just as I was about to praise him for his excellent observation skills, he said, “This is my third time at the museum! I hope the next time I come, I can play with the sand.”
This conversation left a deep impression on me, because of how much he remembered about each exhibits’ content and locations. Fortunately, he went on to explain, “Last time, when I came with my mother, we explored each exhibit one by one. She read every exhibit sign to me before we started playing. Since we did not see all the exhibits last time, we came back today to continue. Now I know all the contents and can play with them myself!”
This mother and child interaction beautifully illustrates how with careful observation and communication about the exhibits, young children can gain knowledge from them. Floor staff also shared that the mother gave him many opportunities to raise questions, which allowed him to discover more through this self-directed learning experience. Under the pandemic it is easy for parents to be stressed and communicate less or negatively to their children. Hence, when questions are raised and emotions are tense, take a moment before answering. By doing so, not only can stress levels be reduced, but the parent-child relationship can be preserved or even improved, thereby achieving an unexpected positive outcome due to the pandemic!
（原文刊登於《今日校園》）